Spam

Spam filters on email servers have greatly reduced the amount of spam landing in our inboxes. I used to be touched at the number of unknown but caring strangers who were deeply concerned about the dimensions and rigidity of my reproductive member and who offered me a sure-fire solution - for a financial consideration. I also still remember being reliable informed, with text and photographs, (photographs don’t lie, do they!!!?) that KFC had bred a chicken with no feathers or beak (they were still working on training them to roll in batter and hop into the hot oil.) And the AIDS infected syringes in coin return slots, used condoms in McDonalds play pens,  knockout chemicals on business cards, people waking up with their kidneys removed, deadly spiders under toilet seats, deadly toxins from car-seats, cooking an egg between two cell phones using their radiation, Mars appearing bigger than the full moon... and... and... and...

And then there are the heart-rending stories of missing/abused/kidnapped/lost/deformed/terminally ill children, complete with photographs (and photographs don’t lie, do they??). These often include a contact number or email and as far as I can tell, no too many people take the trouble to check these are valid contact details before hitting the "forward" button. Out of the 20 or 30 such emails I have received over the last year or so, exactly one (1) proved to be genuine, and that one I forwarded.

And then there are the “causes”; if you are the 10,000^th name on this list, please forward to stpeter@gullible.com. Again, nobody seems to take the trouble to verify that the nominated recipient even exists. I have yet to send a verifying email that didn’t bounce. But again, these mails get forwarded with manic abandon. And nobody seems to wonder how the hundreds of nearly identical lists (with only the bottom name to differentiate it from all the others) can possibly be collated or verified. Eish! For these people I suggest a visit to www.avaaz.org. 

You get mails that appear to have no purpose other than to spread fear. They will warn you about “new” criminal methods; like, "they" will overtake you and force you off the road, so be careful. Really? What will you do? Drive faster so that no one can overtake you? It’s like warning someone that an asteroid will be hitting the earth in the next few days. What the hell are you going to do about it???

And let’s not forget those nauseating ones that are full of syrupy platitudes, and if you are my friend you will send this back to me!! This is how I prove friendship? By dumping insincere crap into your inbox?? And wasting your expensive bandwidth?? If you were my friend you wouldn’t send me such swill in the first place. Rather send me a one-sentence mail that comes from your heart.

How about those that that advise that if you love Jesus you will forward “his” email? The fact that the mail usually contains nothing more than tired platitudes seems to be irrelevant. Even more mind-boggling is the implied assertion that Jesus is checking our mails and making sure that we are promoting his cause – and he will get you on judgment day if you only forward it to 6 people instead of 10! (I won’t even comment on the remarks/prayers directed to Jesus on the social networks.)

Although most people smile wryly when they receive this sort of rubbish, and maybe consider blacklisting the sender (Non-sequitur: I wonder if Malema would be offended if he was to be white listed??) before hitting the delete key, there are those who believe that it is quite likely that they will receive valid, important news via an anonymous chain email that the mainstream media have somehow missed.

While all of this can be mildly amusing, there is a darker side to spam. It is hate mail, where an individual, organisation or group is vilified with infamous lies - and these too are forwarded with nary a qualm or thought. 

High on this list is Islam. The gap left by the demise of communism is now filled by Islamophobia - all that fear has to go somewhere, doesn't it? Muslims will soon take over the world!!! Our cheer-leaders will have to wear burkhas and long robes! Old-testament intolerance will return!!

Or how about the email with a photo (photos don’t lie, do they) of a rather unfortunate looking individual who, it is claimed by the annonymous sender, is guilty of devil-worship, ritual murder, paedophilia, bestiality, terrorism, wife beating and smoking in public. Does it get forwarded? You betcha!

I guess what I’m saying is that if you get a mail that has absolutely astounding news that 702 don’t have yet, think!! If you get a photo of Obama worshipping in a mosque or a photo of 20 adult Arab gentlemen marrying 7 year old girls – think!! If you receive photos of four-winged mutant chickens bred by KFC, think! Failing that, check with www.snopes.com .   

There’s a reason that this gob-smacking news hasn’t appeared in the mainstream media! And really, what are the chances that really life-changing info will come your way via an anonymous viral email?

 On the plus side, I once met, and had a wonderful (if rather short-lived) relationship with, a lovely lady that I met as a result of a chain mail.